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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Obligatory Christmas Post

I don't have the pictures to post on here, they were all taken by husband on his phone and since our home computer is down (being naughty and updating from work like always) I have very little access to anything.

Baby Chicken had such a fantastic time!  He's just about 18 months now so is to the point where he can open gifts by himself (with a little help) and he was so excited!  He surprised me by actually playing with his gifts, though he did have a lot of fun with the wrapping paper, making paper angels on the living room floor.  Too cute.  Also, he does not really fit into garment boxes anymore.  Kind of big for that, but that doesn't stop him from trying!

I feel like between my husband and I, I really came out ahead in the gift department.  He got me a Kindle Fire and an amazing bathrobe (I've been wanting one forever but find it so hard to spend money on myself), I got him some cologne.  Though, he did get his new phone as an early gift so I don't feel *as* bad, but I still feel guilty.  I'm still in the process of getting used to not being completely broke/frugal and any time I spend money on something that isn't necessary (even with Christmas gifts) I have complete buyer's remorse.  I don't like to waste money but I do like to be able to buy things for my family, just little things that let them know I was thinking about them when I was out doing whatever.

I'm quickly approaching the third trimester of this pregnancy, I'll be 28 weeks on the 1st or 2nd (depending on who you go by).  How did this happen?  I remember with Eli the pregnancy seemed to drag on and on, and now I'm scrambling to get everything done.  We've barely touched on names, I need to get the nursery painted (and the paint colors even picked), I have to go through Eli's baby stuff to see what I can re-use with this little girl.  I feel like I had all the time in the world last time, and now there isn't nearly enough.

Husband has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want anymore children, I'm really torn on this.  While I don't want anymore children right NOW I could see having another down the road a few years or so.  However, I'm firmly of the mindset that if one parent says no, the no's have it.  As much as I don't want this to be our last I would never in a million years force another child on him and possibly have that child be/feel resented, or have that be the end of our relationship.  I'll be talking to my doctor about getting my tubes tied at my next appointment.  I have such bittersweet feelings about the whole thing, though.  While I am incredibly happy with the two we will have, and there are so many pro's to just having two, I still feel like I'm losing the child we *could* have in a few years.  Does that even make sense?  To mourn something you've never even had, only just though you could have eventually?  Then there is always the morbid thoughts that come into my head since my eyes have been opened up to how quickly you CAN lose what you HAVE.  What if something happens to one of my babies?  I can't say how I would react if that did happen, but I'm almost positive I would need to have another.  Not just want, I think it would be a physical need to hold another child in my arms.  Then I scold myself for even thinking those things.  Our second child isn't even here yet and I'm already worried that I'll need to be prepared if she doesn't make it.  Sometimes I just hate my brain.

The New Year is upon us!  Can someone tell me where this year went, please?  This time last year I was still out on maternity leave with my 6 month old baby boy, now I've got a running, sort of talking crazy boy on my hands and another on the way.  It's amazing what can change in a year.  The first half of this year was really up in the air but the second half proved to be amazing.  My baby boy's 1st birthday, finding out we're having another less than a month after that (4th of July baby, ha ha), Aron starting a decent job after a couple of years (finally!).  I need to remind myself when I get down exactly everything I have to be grateful for, and it really is a lot.  I can always find things to complain about (can't everyone?) but I do have so much to thank God for and I need to humble myself sometimes.  There are so many people with so much less who would give a lot for what I have.

Until next time, folks!

1 comment:

  1. hubby is kind of in the no more kids camp as well. we finally agreed that we'd go with mirena just in case. it lasts five years. if by that time we've decided that we still don't want kids (and really if we haven't had anymore in the next five years i don't think i want any more) then we'll do something permanent.