Sometimes I really think that I am weird or different. When I hear about a lost child, regardless of age/gestational age, etc, it literally breaks my heart. I feel like I am there, going through the same exact thing. I don't think this is right. I do, of course, know that I really don't feel what those families feel, that would be naive and cruel, but it just feels like such a personal blow. These poor babies, whom I never even met, are gone forever, missed whole heartedly, ripped away from families who love them more than life itself. I hate it. I cry for these families, I cry for these babies, some of which were probably scared when their last days were spent in a hospital hooked up to iv's, monitors, being poked with needles in vain attempts to get them to come back. This is not fair. There is no good answer for why babies and children are taken so early, you should never have to view a child in a casket, you should never have your baby's ashes in a box on your mantel. No answer will ever be good enough as to why someone has to live a lifetime without their baby/babies.
And why do I get so wrapped up in these children. As I said, I do not know them, I do not know their families. But it impacts me so deeply. Maybe finally having a baby of my own just changed me, I never used to be like this. Or maybe it was that the same thing happened so close to me. I can see the extent of the pain, the deep hole that can never be filled because the filling has been lost forever. I just want to fix it all, but there is no fix and there is nothing that I can do.
And to see some people treated like criminals after their horrific loss, I just have no words for that. It is unfathomable in my mind. A system that is supposed to be used to keep children safe is tearing a grieving family apart, how is that justice? I don't want any part of a system like that.
So tell me, am I crazy that I feel so intensely for strangers? I've been told I am. Maybe I am. But, I don't see myself changing any time soon, and I would rather be overwhelmed with feeling than have a complete lack of emotion. I am human, I have compassion for other humans, and I'm okay with that.